Being a parent sucks!

And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Don't get me wrong, I adore my girls. They are the two best things that has happened in my life thus far. Jordyn is my little life saver and Adalyn is my sweet angel baby. But the pressure of raising them can really get to me at times. I know I shouldn't over think life but it's hard when you have 2 precious little people to mold and then continue to help shape throughout their lives. I constantly think about the things I've done wrong. Has it affected them already? Of course I focus more on these doubts when it comes to Jordyn since Adalyn is just a baby and all it takes to make her happy is food, snuggles & a clean diaper. She's easy. Jordyn on the other hand is at a difficult age.... who am I kidding, she is difficult in general. I see so much of myself in her and that is scary. I can easily admit I was an insane child/preteen/teen. I feel bad for my mom now that I'm older, wiser and medicated (not saying medication is the answer since I didn't develop anxiety issues till I had Jordyn). I was just so hard to deal with. And I see that side of me shining through in Jordyn as well. She is her own person and I know there are some things I just can't change. But I wonder if there is anything I can do to make the next 15 years easier for both of us. I get teary eyed just thinking that one day she's gonna say "I hate you mom" or "I don't need you". And even though I will try my best to prevent those moments from happening, I just have to suck it up and take it.
Sometimes at night I sit awake thinking about all I've already done wrong. I know I can't change the past but I can change the future. So much pressure. I understand why weak people can easily become shitty parents. This isn't a joke. I never knew it would be this hard and I'm sure no one does until they have a child. That's a good campaign for birth control "Are you ready to hold a person's life in your hands from the time of conception? Cause the choices you make can easily fuck them up for the rest of their lives!" Just think about it.
I want to make my girls lives the best they can be. I know that's a lot of pressure and I'm gonna screw up a long the way but I'm determined to do things the right way, not always the easy way, but the right way according to Paul & I. It's worth it for our kids and any other kids to be.